L is for Light at the end of the tunnel

OK, so the money woes haven’t subsided, but the ball has started rolling and hopefully things will pick up soon.

The commerical/print agencies that I started freelancing with have started sending me out – I’ve been on “go-sees” (auditions) almost every day the past couple of weeks, in addition to more and higher-profile auditions coming in from my legit theatre/tv/film agency. So I feel like things are picking up work-wise as far as what I’m putting out there, and hopefully it’s only a matter of time before I start seeing some returns coming in.

On the personal front, I’m being gung-ho about sticking to my workout regiment this cycle.  I follow an online training program that goes in 12-week cycles – I started this summer and half-assed it then, but decided to start another one last month to do something proactive when I was feeling down, and I am seeing some nice results already after just a couple of weeks.

Most importantly of all (to me), I’m starting to really feel connected to this city.  There was the novelty phase of things being new for the first month, then the post-partum of struggling to find my place the second month, and now in my third month here I’m starting to see the roots that I’ve been putting down take hold and the sapling is beginning to grow (if that metaphor makes any sense at all).  I’ve made friends with a few people at auditions whom I would see over and over again, as well as also started randomly running into various old friends that I did and didn’t know were here, and making new friends as well. And possibly even a date or two is in the works.

To continue the (mixed) metaphor back to my money woes, I have started seeing some of the financial fruits of my labor as well – I booked a print job last week which is good for some bucks, and have started getting assignments from the holiday singing group that I’m a part of (we sing at private parties), and also I confronted my old landlord about the security deposit money he owes me and he is going to give me my money back!

Still need more/bigger gigs to pick up, and/or a regular “survival job” to come through to really become financially independent at this point, but that little money tree is finally starting to crack through the concrete (again with this awful mixed metaphor!)

Cell phone budget count: $-1,001 (On my credit card, yikes! I really need that security deposit money back ASAP!)

Q is for Questioning

So my NYMF show closed, and with it the novelty of being new to New York.

Now I’m broke, no job, and no show lined up.  I was getting really down about it the past couple of weeks, combined with the fact that I’ve left my romantic relationship(s) behind in Boston and am having a hard time meeting anyone here.

I know I’ve been doing a good job at auditions – I’ve been getting some callbacks, and casting directors have been requesting me to come back for other gigs…  But that still doesn’t help the fact that I’m not booking the ones I’m going in for originally!  And not that many callbacks even, at least not the rate I’m used to from being a bigger fish in a smaller regional pond.  I just had a conversation with one of my agents today, who reassured me that I was on track and doing very well by virtue of even getting some callbacks and booking a NYMF show right away…  I had just hoped it would be different for me, that I would be able to continue to  at least keep booking regional work and some commercials and such and not need to scour for a day job.

Speaking of which, I got hooked up with a number of very prestigious commercial/modeling agencies (freelance) by virtue of my former regional commercial agency and various friends, but unfortunately it seems to be very slow right now – I have only gone in for one go-see so far in the past 2 or 3 weeks since I started.  I also got hooked up with a pretty cool restaurant in midtown, I trained there but they don’t have any shifts open right now so I’m just on the sub list.  Signed up with some temp agencies and had to pass on a couple of good opportunities due to auditions and the NYMF show, hopefully more will come my way that I can do.

I do have a nifty trade job at a local dance studio, where I volunteer a few hours a week in exchange for a discounted rate on classes – trouble is, I feel bad even spending that discounted amount since I don’t have any income.  So right now I’m basically just working for free, but I don’t mind because at least I’m meeting people.  I do need to get better though, at a recent invited dance call I felt like I was one of the worse ones.  Granted, it wasn’t an open call – everyone was at least decent – but I need more training to become a true triple threat here in NYC.

To add to my money woes, the landlord at my previous apartment is trying to withhold like half of the security deposit!  Claiming “cleaning fees” and “back rent,” both of which are total b.s.  I have an account statement from the realty company showing all of our rent payments, and we left that place cleaner that we got it – my friends who helped me move can help me prove it!  So that is annoying, but hopefully will be resolved soon since I sent them a threatening letter with all of this proof.

So here I am, at age 31, asking my parents for rent money…  *sigh*

Cell phone budget memo: -$419

N is for NEW YORK!!!

Ok, a lot’s happened since last month, things have been moving quickly and I haven’t had time to put my thoughts down.

I now live in NY!  My roommate (who turns out to be a perfectly cool guy) and I spent a couple of days looking at apartments with various brokers, found one we really liked that was a good deal, applied for it and got it!  I went back to Boston that weekend, packed up my things, rented a UHaul (Budget truck, to be specific), and drove all my stuff to my new place the following week!

A couple of trips to Ikea and Bed Bath and Beyond later, and we’re now all set up in our new apartment in Washington Heights in upper Manhattan! I’m paying less here than I did in Boston, by the way, and with more space (Boston was in a converted 1 bedroom to 2 bedroom split; this is a real 2 bedroom with a living room).

Career-wise, right as I moved here I booked a show in NYMF (the New York Music Theatre Festival); it is a very high profile show by an up-and-coming composer – I just have a supporting part/ensemble but there are some big names in the cast and great connections to be made.  We started rehearsals almost as soon as I moved here!

On the boy front, things are a little quiet – my ex and I are still talking now and again, the new Boston boy and I are also talking but we are keeping things low key.  No new New York boys (yet), so I’m taking time to get settled in here in my new neighborhood!

I have my nation-wide sports club membership, so that’s a blessing, and am scouting for day jobs – temping, restaurants, that sort of thing.  We’ll see!

Cell phone budget memo: -$1207.  Yikes, moving is expensive.

T is for Time Passes…

Somehow, another birthday came and went without much fanfare.  Other than a rash of hives on my chest that the dermatologist hasn’t figured out yet.

Back in my little college town after an fun stint in summer stock.  Lots of boys, lots of fun, finally getting over the boyfriend and even started dating someone new.  I know better than to get too serious right now though.

Working and saving up money, have made a couple of trips to NYC for meetings with my agent and a few auditions even – some good responses, even a callback or two but no jobs booked yet.  I’m a little nervous because for the first time I don’t have ANYTHING coming up – but in my experience it does usually take a little while of being the new kid in town before getting a gig; people say New York can take a few months, even a year or two before you have paid your dues and start getting those jobs.  I was encouraged because a friend of mine from school who graduated last year spent all year waiting tables and not getting much except for some readings, and now just booked the lead in a major Broadway show!  So perseverance and talent…

As for my own NYC story – I’m going back to NYC next week to look at apartments with my future roommate, a friend of a friend; he is getting his MFA at NYU.  We’ve never met, but I am thinking based on our communication and facebooking so far that we’ll get along.  Packing and moving the following week, will be living in NYC by the end of the month – yipes!

Cell phone budget memo: $117!  In the positives thanks to some birthday money!

I is for Independence day!

So I’m currently out of town doing a big summer stock, it’s great to be getting paid big bucks and being on stage again! We’re kind of in the middle of nowhere though, so I have not found much to do. But I also finally have the time and space to really think about things and re-evaluate.

[Ex-]Boyfriend and I have (of course) been talking again, it’s so on-again, off-again. Here away, though, I am finally realizing that as much as we both like each other, we just don’t want the same things in a relationship right now. He is just not ready to sacrifice and compromise and prioritize being together in the way that I need in an adult reciprocal relationship – he is just a college kid who needs to have fun and get more experience in life and love! Besides it is just not going to be realistic to try and do long-distance with both of our demanding schedules. I actually went on a date with a local boy here last night, and although it is not anything serious (nobody under 25!), it was really nice and I am looking forward to getting back into the single life when I get to NYC! Now just to find a way to talk it out with [ex-]bf…

Yoga has been going great (although I’m missing it here in the middle of nowhere), been going to the gym too… Glad to report that I am feeling much better in general!

Cell phone budget: down to $-75. Soon to be in the positives, when my next paycheck comes on Friday!!!

J is for J/K!

OK, so after a few weeks boyfriend and I broke up again last weekend.  We tried to get to know each other again, but I just realized that I wanted more from a relationship.  I’ve come to realize that the first part of our relationship was so magical because we were in a little cocoon, a magical bubble last summer before real life started to rear its head in both our lives – school, jobs, completely different circles of friends, the future…  We had a great first couple of months, but really it wasn’t the same by the time we broke up for the first time last winter during finals.  And again this spring during finals.  And finally again this summer after graduation.  Each milestone in our academic careers marked a lower plateau in our relationship as we grew apart.  We were trying to live up to an impossible standard that we had set for ourselves when it was just us focusing on us for while.  Now we both just have too much other stuff to focus on – stuff that is leading us to different places.

It was all winding down on a wistful note, until today some crazy shit went down today…  I heard about a rebound outing he went out on, he heard about mine, feelings got hurt and all sorts of crazy rumors were revealed (I blame his ex-boyfriend, who seems to be at the center of the gossip).  But we talked one-to-one and eventually he calmed down.  We have too much good history to end on a stupid blowout, and I hope we can end up as friends…  I hope that maybe we will be in a more compatible place later on in life when we are both more self-aware and he in particular has more life and relationship experience.  I’ve never really said that before about a serious ex…  

Well, there was one guy I had a brief touring romance with years ago, and we separated because of geography.  We kept in touch for years, we both had serious relationships with other people, fell out and back in touch, that sort of thing.  I always thought of him as a “one who got away,” but then finally our paths crossed again recently and I realized that we had grown apart.  So who knows.

I do know I should have stuck to the rule I made when I went on a dating streak between my last 2 boyfriends…  Don’t get attached to boys under 25!  They just don’t know what they want in life yet, the early twenties are about finishing college/grad school, and then finding out who you are on your own in the real working world.  Realizing the meaning of responsibility.  They’re fun, yes, but don’t fall for them or you’ll get hurt!  I mean, it’s supposed to be a theme established by the title of this blog!  

*sigh*

In other news, money’s tight – not just for me, working part-time at the restaurant and experiencing a lull in the slow summer audition/show season, but also for my parents who have always helped me with my educational loan debt.  Not sure what is going to happen there…  I’ve had a great mid-level NYC agent for over a month now, and haven’t been able to even get an audition!  All the slots are being given by the casting people to other NYC veterans with much more experience, I never realized it was this competitive, and I can’t even imagine what it is like for the newbie undergrads who don’t even have professional credits on their resume at all!

*double sigh*

As you can see, things have been rather down.  I’d actually gotten somewhat depressed lately over it all, and I was maybe putting too much expectation on the relationship because it was the one happy thing I had going.  To get myself out of the funk, I realized I needed to start getting out of the house, and so I’ve started picked up on my activities.  I’ve increased my gym-going from once a blue moon to 2-3 times/week, started doing to weekly dance classes at the local studio (we used to have dance class every day at school as part of the MFA program), and this week got back into the best thing of all – YOGA.  I had a strong practice going when I lived on the west coast prior to grad school, for a couple of years in fact, and somehow it got away from me over the course of my last horrific relationship there (cheater and drug abuser, ’nuff said), and then moving here to the east coast.  I’ve gone the past 2 days, and it feels wonderful to practice again, so meditative and mind-clearing.  

I’m trying to find myself again.

Cell phone budget count: -$502  :-(

G is for GAAAAHHHHHH or, Gay Guys suck!!!

So boyfriend and I broke up because he wasn’t ready to commit to a future long-distance relationship, right? (I’m moving to NYC, he’s going to grad school here in Boston.)  Well… A few days pass, I start to get over it, and then he comes over crying and says he needs me back in his life.

GGAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Oh, the highly dramatic roller coaster of emotions of a 21-year old. Of course, I am going to take him back, I do love the kid. And, not to be evil, but the thought of being alone for my last 2 months here in Boston and/or trolling on-line dating sites for first dates and/or anonymous sex just plain sucks.

Being single for a week did allow me a brief respite to re-connect with an old friend, who writes a very popular American Idol blog (topidol.wordpress.com), and I got to be featured on yesterday’s recap.  I also did go out to the gay bars with some old friends and met some fun new people…  So maybe it was worth it to get that stuff out of my system for a little while longer…?  :-)

Cell phone budget memo: -$355

O is for Over it!

Yup, I’m officially over it. Over all of it. I’m done with school, done with this city, and the relationship ended as well – unfortunately, it came to the point where we had to decide if it was something we were willing to invest in making it work long-distance or not…  And the answer was not.  Sad for a weekend, but now I’m over it – it’s really better for both of us this way. So now I’m sooo ready to move on! I’ll be here working for another couple of months, but I can’t wait to get away in July to a new experience and new friends doing my summer stock, and then I’ll be moving to NYC in August/September to start a new life and career!

Cell phone budget: -$321

R is for Represented!

Good news to report – I signed with a very well-respected legit agency in NYC!  I’m still in discussions with some different commercial agents, less worried about that one.  Graduation is coming, summer’s around the corner – soon this blog is going to be detailing my first year as a struggling actor in New York City!

The minutiae: my new printer is awesome, but on the down side, my cell phone budget is now -$368.  :-(

H is for Holding pattern

So it’s been a very very busy couple of months. Showcase, then my thesis, now things are finally calming down as we wind up towards graduation – but that doesn’t mean things have settled.

I say holding pattern because everything is still a little bit in the air, which is another reason I haven’t posted anything for a while. Showcase went well, and I have been going back and forth meeting with agents, and am getting close (I think) to signing with someone but nothing’s final yet. So I’m pretty sure I’m moving to NYC in the fall, but I don’t know where I’m going to live – I was going to move with my best friend, but he just got a tour for next year and so is not going to be able to move with me. There is a possible sublet that just came my way that I might be able to take, but I need to apply and get approved for it first. I also don’t know what I’m going to do for money. Moving is probably going to be expensive, plus finishing paying off my medical bills (only partially covered by my crappy school insurance), and the school loans are going to kick in this Fall as well. Hopefully find another restaurant job as soon as I arrive?

Finally, my relationship is up in the air too, because my boo is going to grad school in another city.

See – holding pattern!

On the bright side, I’m almost done with school – now that the thesis is done, there’s basically no finals, just a handful of classes to finish up before graduation. I’ve also been asked to perform in a number of benefits at various theatres in the area, so even though I wasn’t able to take on any shows, I’m still remembered out there which is a boost for the old ego. I’ve also got a bunch of auditions/callbacks for other summer stock around the one I already have booked, so fingers crossed (as always!)

The minutiae: Still smoking my 3 nightly cigarettes.  Cell phone memo budget?  Currently $-172.  Yup. negative.  And I need to buy a new printer, the one I got free with my MacBook last year died.  Agh, it’s always something…