V is for a Very Good January!

Happy new year!  It’s been a great start to the year.  I did 3 photo shoots in January, which means the bills are paid for the next few months!  Audition season has started for theatre, and I’ve been auditioning every day and also got a couple of theatre callbacks already, so I feel like I’m more and more on the right track there. Next is just to book something. And to get some commercials and TV/film stuff going – it’s pilot season as well so fingers crossed something comes my way here in NYC!

The dating scene continues, to… well, it continues. I have met 3 guys which I have continued to see, but none is long-term. One there just does not seem to be a physical spark, although we get along. Another there is a physical spark, but we don’t connect personality-wise. The last one I’m just not quite sure about either. So we’ll see. Time to get swept off my feet my mystery man #4 I hope.

I’m doing reasonably well with most of my New Year’s resolutions – the dressing better thing is definitely working, as is the gym. About to start the next phase of this gym regimen – I did 2 cycles of “foundation strength-building” and now I am going to start the 12-week “muscle building” regimen to bulk up. I have been to a few dance classes but still not regularly – that’s next on the agenda!

Cell phone budget: -$1,617. Yikes. But that’ll be taken care of as soon as my first check from the January modeling comes in!

Y is for Yuletide Greetings

Merry Xmas and Happy Holidays to all!

It’s been a grand holiday season here, I have been able to pay my bills due to a nice job doing holiday singing (caroling) through a party company.  I have also been able to book a couple of print jobs, and the pay from that as well as my medical school acting gig will be coming in next month so January is covered as well.

The landlord from my old place finally gave us our full security deposit back, so that was a much-needed financial boon also.

Everything else is still in “persistence hopefully pays off soon” mode – auditioning away, nearly every day (sometimes multiples times in one day) between legit and commercial auditions (scored myself a couple of commercial agents since last I wrote) and print go-sees.  I know I’m doing a good job overall, but unfortunately had a couple of less than stellar auditions on callbacks and other times when it counted most.  Oh well, that’s all part of my still being new and still figuring out how to audition and present myself the best that I can – it’s a numbers game and each audition I go on teaches me something new.

In case anyone is interested, here are my audition numbers since moving to NYC at the end of August:

* Legit auditions for stage (musicals and plays): 42 (16 appointments via agency, 26 walk-ups at epa’s/ecc’s); 3 callbacks; 1 booking

* Legit auditions for camera (tv/film): 5 (4 tv, 1 movie; all via agency); no callbacks/holds or bookings

* Commercial auditions for camera (industrials/commercials): 3 (1 commercial, 2 industrials; all via agencies); no callbacks/holds or bookings

* Print Go-Sees: 12 (all via agencies); 2 holds (like a callback, it means you’re being strongly considered and they ask you to hold the date for the shoot); 2 bookings

All in all it’s pretty sad…  Although from what I hear better than most!  Overall that is averaging one booking per month, between all the different disciplines.  That, along with random gigs such as the caroling and such, is apparently enough to pay the bills at least,without having a regular “day job” – which is better than the majority of struggling actors in NYC!  But, not enough to not always be worrying about finances and constantly on the brink of being broke LOL.

I might also mention, it’s the “persistence” game with boys here in NYC as well.  Trying to meet a lot of people, going on dates, but not finding a match yet.  A few times there has been physical attraction (at least enough for a romp LOL), or there has been a deeper interest in one direction or the other, but haven’t found a reciprocal good match yet.  Generally I find that the guys here are not serious about making effort (as in continuing a conversation online before meeting up, or making time to go on a few dates).  I think there are so many gay men in the city that it is easy to just be a kid in the candy store and not make any effort if you are cute and just have a lot of fun flings.  I on the other hand had plenty of fun in my college years, and am more interested now in finding something with a little more substance and longevity.  I had a little bit of fun when I first moved here, but now I am trying consciously to meet guys who are more serious about looking for something with a little more substance.

In case you are interested, the numbers there are: dates with 22 or so men; 14 of them made it to my bed (or I to theirs); 2 of them I am still “talking” with, but none has yet progressed to the level of “dating.”   Fingers crossed.  The holidays are lonely without a significant other.  Thank goodness for other friends in the arts here doing shows to have orphan xmas with.

Happy New Year’s to my (non-existent) readers.  One day, when more exciting things take off in my career, I will start tagging and promoting this.  But for now it’s all meant for background.

New Year’s Resolutions:

* Continue Gym regimen (it’s starting to show results – getting some nice pecs and my arms/shoulders are getting bigger!)

* Increase attendance at Dance classes (I’ve been earning 3+ classes/week at my work-study and averaging using only 1 of them weekly LOL.)

* Begin dressing better (I had been very college/casual in my dress, even to auditions, for a while now, and have just recently started paying much more attention about how I am presenting/representing myself with my dress and demeanor for different auditions.  It’s shown definite results, and I’ve decided to put a little more thought into how I dress in my daily life as well as to auditions.  I have a lot of nice things in my closet, I’ve just rarely been putting any effort into wearing them until now!)

And an auspicious start to the new year – budget balance: $86.  That’s right, it’s in the positives! 

K is for Karmic Rebalancing

OK, so I’ve decided to clear out all of the negative energy that has been building up and approach New York with a clearer head.  I finally broke it off with my on-again, off-again ex.  We made plans for him to visit me for Thanksgiving weeks ago, and when I hadn’t heard from him I asked him if he was still coming – he said he couldn’t anymore but that I should come visit him, oh except he made other plans with his friends for Thanksgiving day so we couldn’t hang out that day but I should still come for the weekend.  WTF?  So it became clear that, despite his verbal protestations that he wanted a relationship and everything, in actuality he just isn’t prepared to make it a priority.  Which I don’t fault him for, because he’s only 21 (did I mention that before?  LOL), I blame myself for constantly thinking that he would grow up and follow through on his word.  This whole situation prompted me to not only tell him that I couldn’t do this anymore, and that we shouldn’t talk for a while, but got me thinking the same about a lot of my other friends and relationships.  So I deleted a lot of numbers from my phone – you know those people that you make more effort to be friends with than they do for you?  I have a lot of those friends, who are happy to hang out when I make all the effort, but either have closer friends or are just flaky people in general and don’t reciprocate.  As much potential as I see in these people, and as much as I like them, I’m getting to a place in my life where I need to find real, lasting friendships and relationships.

Some work is coming in: I’m gigging with the singing group I mentioned before, I’m also doing some actor work for NYU medical school (where you are trained to pretend to have an illness in order for medical students to test their interview/diagnostic skills), both of which pay well.  Still plugging away at the audition scene – getting constant encouragement to stick in there by other actors who have gone through the same, sharing stories of months of auditioning when they first got here before something paid off.  Just sent out a round of mailings for commercial agents – I’ve got my legit and modeling, so I guess that’s the last major area that I could also be auditioning in – as well as started buckling down to look for office work, restaurant survival jobs, etc.

Also still keeping on with the gym, and also slowly working up to taking daily dance classes.  Fingers crossed that the new year will bring along new luck!

Cell phone budget balance: -$817.  Ugh.

L is for Light at the end of the tunnel

OK, so the money woes haven’t subsided, but the ball has started rolling and hopefully things will pick up soon.

The commerical/print agencies that I started freelancing with have started sending me out – I’ve been on “go-sees” (auditions) almost every day the past couple of weeks, in addition to more and higher-profile auditions coming in from my legit theatre/tv/film agency. So I feel like things are picking up work-wise as far as what I’m putting out there, and hopefully it’s only a matter of time before I start seeing some returns coming in.

On the personal front, I’m being gung-ho about sticking to my workout regiment this cycle.  I follow an online training program that goes in 12-week cycles – I started this summer and half-assed it then, but decided to start another one last month to do something proactive when I was feeling down, and I am seeing some nice results already after just a couple of weeks.

Most importantly of all (to me), I’m starting to really feel connected to this city.  There was the novelty phase of things being new for the first month, then the post-partum of struggling to find my place the second month, and now in my third month here I’m starting to see the roots that I’ve been putting down take hold and the sapling is beginning to grow (if that metaphor makes any sense at all).  I’ve made friends with a few people at auditions whom I would see over and over again, as well as also started randomly running into various old friends that I did and didn’t know were here, and making new friends as well. And possibly even a date or two is in the works.

To continue the (mixed) metaphor back to my money woes, I have started seeing some of the financial fruits of my labor as well – I booked a print job last week which is good for some bucks, and have started getting assignments from the holiday singing group that I’m a part of (we sing at private parties), and also I confronted my old landlord about the security deposit money he owes me and he is going to give me my money back!

Still need more/bigger gigs to pick up, and/or a regular “survival job” to come through to really become financially independent at this point, but that little money tree is finally starting to crack through the concrete (again with this awful mixed metaphor!)

Cell phone budget count: $-1,001 (On my credit card, yikes! I really need that security deposit money back ASAP!)

Q is for Questioning

So my NYMF show closed, and with it the novelty of being new to New York.

Now I’m broke, no job, and no show lined up.  I was getting really down about it the past couple of weeks, combined with the fact that I’ve left my romantic relationship(s) behind in Boston and am having a hard time meeting anyone here.

I know I’ve been doing a good job at auditions – I’ve been getting some callbacks, and casting directors have been requesting me to come back for other gigs…  But that still doesn’t help the fact that I’m not booking the ones I’m going in for originally!  And not that many callbacks even, at least not the rate I’m used to from being a bigger fish in a smaller regional pond.  I just had a conversation with one of my agents today, who reassured me that I was on track and doing very well by virtue of even getting some callbacks and booking a NYMF show right away…  I had just hoped it would be different for me, that I would be able to continue to  at least keep booking regional work and some commercials and such and not need to scour for a day job.

Speaking of which, I got hooked up with a number of very prestigious commercial/modeling agencies (freelance) by virtue of my former regional commercial agency and various friends, but unfortunately it seems to be very slow right now – I have only gone in for one go-see so far in the past 2 or 3 weeks since I started.  I also got hooked up with a pretty cool restaurant in midtown, I trained there but they don’t have any shifts open right now so I’m just on the sub list.  Signed up with some temp agencies and had to pass on a couple of good opportunities due to auditions and the NYMF show, hopefully more will come my way that I can do.

I do have a nifty trade job at a local dance studio, where I volunteer a few hours a week in exchange for a discounted rate on classes – trouble is, I feel bad even spending that discounted amount since I don’t have any income.  So right now I’m basically just working for free, but I don’t mind because at least I’m meeting people.  I do need to get better though, at a recent invited dance call I felt like I was one of the worse ones.  Granted, it wasn’t an open call – everyone was at least decent – but I need more training to become a true triple threat here in NYC.

To add to my money woes, the landlord at my previous apartment is trying to withhold like half of the security deposit!  Claiming “cleaning fees” and “back rent,” both of which are total b.s.  I have an account statement from the realty company showing all of our rent payments, and we left that place cleaner that we got it – my friends who helped me move can help me prove it!  So that is annoying, but hopefully will be resolved soon since I sent them a threatening letter with all of this proof.

So here I am, at age 31, asking my parents for rent money…  *sigh*

Cell phone budget memo: -$419

N is for NEW YORK!!!

Ok, a lot’s happened since last month, things have been moving quickly and I haven’t had time to put my thoughts down.

I now live in NY!  My roommate (who turns out to be a perfectly cool guy) and I spent a couple of days looking at apartments with various brokers, found one we really liked that was a good deal, applied for it and got it!  I went back to Boston that weekend, packed up my things, rented a UHaul (Budget truck, to be specific), and drove all my stuff to my new place the following week!

A couple of trips to Ikea and Bed Bath and Beyond later, and we’re now all set up in our new apartment in Washington Heights in upper Manhattan! I’m paying less here than I did in Boston, by the way, and with more space (Boston was in a converted 1 bedroom to 2 bedroom split; this is a real 2 bedroom with a living room).

Career-wise, right as I moved here I booked a show in NYMF (the New York Music Theatre Festival); it is a very high profile show by an up-and-coming composer – I just have a supporting part/ensemble but there are some big names in the cast and great connections to be made.  We started rehearsals almost as soon as I moved here!

On the boy front, things are a little quiet – my ex and I are still talking now and again, the new Boston boy and I are also talking but we are keeping things low key.  No new New York boys (yet), so I’m taking time to get settled in here in my new neighborhood!

I have my nation-wide sports club membership, so that’s a blessing, and am scouting for day jobs – temping, restaurants, that sort of thing.  We’ll see!

Cell phone budget memo: -$1207.  Yikes, moving is expensive.

T is for Time Passes…

Somehow, another birthday came and went without much fanfare.  Other than a rash of hives on my chest that the dermatologist hasn’t figured out yet.

Back in my little college town after an fun stint in summer stock.  Lots of boys, lots of fun, finally getting over the boyfriend and even started dating someone new.  I know better than to get too serious right now though.

Working and saving up money, have made a couple of trips to NYC for meetings with my agent and a few auditions even – some good responses, even a callback or two but no jobs booked yet.  I’m a little nervous because for the first time I don’t have ANYTHING coming up – but in my experience it does usually take a little while of being the new kid in town before getting a gig; people say New York can take a few months, even a year or two before you have paid your dues and start getting those jobs.  I was encouraged because a friend of mine from school who graduated last year spent all year waiting tables and not getting much except for some readings, and now just booked the lead in a major Broadway show!  So perseverance and talent…

As for my own NYC story – I’m going back to NYC next week to look at apartments with my future roommate, a friend of a friend; he is getting his MFA at NYU.  We’ve never met, but I am thinking based on our communication and facebooking so far that we’ll get along.  Packing and moving the following week, will be living in NYC by the end of the month – yipes!

Cell phone budget memo: $117!  In the positives thanks to some birthday money!

I is for Independence day!

So I’m currently out of town doing a big summer stock, it’s great to be getting paid big bucks and being on stage again! We’re kind of in the middle of nowhere though, so I have not found much to do. But I also finally have the time and space to really think about things and re-evaluate.

[Ex-]Boyfriend and I have (of course) been talking again, it’s so on-again, off-again. Here away, though, I am finally realizing that as much as we both like each other, we just don’t want the same things in a relationship right now. He is just not ready to sacrifice and compromise and prioritize being together in the way that I need in an adult reciprocal relationship – he is just a college kid who needs to have fun and get more experience in life and love! Besides it is just not going to be realistic to try and do long-distance with both of our demanding schedules. I actually went on a date with a local boy here last night, and although it is not anything serious (nobody under 25!), it was really nice and I am looking forward to getting back into the single life when I get to NYC! Now just to find a way to talk it out with [ex-]bf…

Yoga has been going great (although I’m missing it here in the middle of nowhere), been going to the gym too… Glad to report that I am feeling much better in general!

Cell phone budget: down to $-75. Soon to be in the positives, when my next paycheck comes on Friday!!!

J is for J/K!

OK, so after a few weeks boyfriend and I broke up again last weekend.  We tried to get to know each other again, but I just realized that I wanted more from a relationship.  I’ve come to realize that the first part of our relationship was so magical because we were in a little cocoon, a magical bubble last summer before real life started to rear its head in both our lives – school, jobs, completely different circles of friends, the future…  We had a great first couple of months, but really it wasn’t the same by the time we broke up for the first time last winter during finals.  And again this spring during finals.  And finally again this summer after graduation.  Each milestone in our academic careers marked a lower plateau in our relationship as we grew apart.  We were trying to live up to an impossible standard that we had set for ourselves when it was just us focusing on us for while.  Now we both just have too much other stuff to focus on – stuff that is leading us to different places.

It was all winding down on a wistful note, until today some crazy shit went down today…  I heard about a rebound outing he went out on, he heard about mine, feelings got hurt and all sorts of crazy rumors were revealed (I blame his ex-boyfriend, who seems to be at the center of the gossip).  But we talked one-to-one and eventually he calmed down.  We have too much good history to end on a stupid blowout, and I hope we can end up as friends…  I hope that maybe we will be in a more compatible place later on in life when we are both more self-aware and he in particular has more life and relationship experience.  I’ve never really said that before about a serious ex…  

Well, there was one guy I had a brief touring romance with years ago, and we separated because of geography.  We kept in touch for years, we both had serious relationships with other people, fell out and back in touch, that sort of thing.  I always thought of him as a “one who got away,” but then finally our paths crossed again recently and I realized that we had grown apart.  So who knows.

I do know I should have stuck to the rule I made when I went on a dating streak between my last 2 boyfriends…  Don’t get attached to boys under 25!  They just don’t know what they want in life yet, the early twenties are about finishing college/grad school, and then finding out who you are on your own in the real working world.  Realizing the meaning of responsibility.  They’re fun, yes, but don’t fall for them or you’ll get hurt!  I mean, it’s supposed to be a theme established by the title of this blog!  

*sigh*

In other news, money’s tight – not just for me, working part-time at the restaurant and experiencing a lull in the slow summer audition/show season, but also for my parents who have always helped me with my educational loan debt.  Not sure what is going to happen there…  I’ve had a great mid-level NYC agent for over a month now, and haven’t been able to even get an audition!  All the slots are being given by the casting people to other NYC veterans with much more experience, I never realized it was this competitive, and I can’t even imagine what it is like for the newbie undergrads who don’t even have professional credits on their resume at all!

*double sigh*

As you can see, things have been rather down.  I’d actually gotten somewhat depressed lately over it all, and I was maybe putting too much expectation on the relationship because it was the one happy thing I had going.  To get myself out of the funk, I realized I needed to start getting out of the house, and so I’ve started picked up on my activities.  I’ve increased my gym-going from once a blue moon to 2-3 times/week, started doing to weekly dance classes at the local studio (we used to have dance class every day at school as part of the MFA program), and this week got back into the best thing of all – YOGA.  I had a strong practice going when I lived on the west coast prior to grad school, for a couple of years in fact, and somehow it got away from me over the course of my last horrific relationship there (cheater and drug abuser, ’nuff said), and then moving here to the east coast.  I’ve gone the past 2 days, and it feels wonderful to practice again, so meditative and mind-clearing.  

I’m trying to find myself again.

Cell phone budget count: -$502  :-(

G is for GAAAAHHHHHH or, Gay Guys suck!!!

So boyfriend and I broke up because he wasn’t ready to commit to a future long-distance relationship, right? (I’m moving to NYC, he’s going to grad school here in Boston.)  Well… A few days pass, I start to get over it, and then he comes over crying and says he needs me back in his life.

GGAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Oh, the highly dramatic roller coaster of emotions of a 21-year old. Of course, I am going to take him back, I do love the kid. And, not to be evil, but the thought of being alone for my last 2 months here in Boston and/or trolling on-line dating sites for first dates and/or anonymous sex just plain sucks.

Being single for a week did allow me a brief respite to re-connect with an old friend, who writes a very popular American Idol blog (topidol.wordpress.com), and I got to be featured on yesterday’s recap.  I also did go out to the gay bars with some old friends and met some fun new people…  So maybe it was worth it to get that stuff out of my system for a little while longer…?  :-)

Cell phone budget memo: -$355