…sigh… and once again, I was sucked back into the world of my ex… and once again, I find myself saying I’m going to call it quits for good! Turns out this town where I’m doing this theater gig is pretty close to the city where I went to school (and where my on-again-off-again ex) is, and we got back in contact. On my first day off I made a trip to visit him. Of course, things sparked up right away and many things were said that led me to believe that he had grown up in the 3 three years that we’ve been apart. And once again, he has not been able to follow through with actually putting any of those words into action – it’s always up to me to do all the work, to initiate communication or intimacy, to make any plans. He always responds to me, but it’s just so selfish and self-centered that he never thinks of me first to put forth any effort to do anything for us on his own. For the second time in the past few months I’ve been in the area for an extended period of time doing a show, and the only time I see him is when I drop everything and visit him. He hasn’t made any effort to come see me or see either show; it’s always me going to him when he’s not busy. I know, he’s still young (like 10 years younger than me), which entitles him to some degree of self-centeredness, immaturity and inexperience with relationships, but I’m finally realizing that despite the attraction and attachment it’s not worth the effort to keep hanging on and getting frustrated all over again – I’m swearing not to put faith in any more words, and not make the next move; if/when he actually grows up, then let him come to me!!!
Along those lines, I’ve actually met a couple of other people in the past few weeks/months that are closer to my own age, and seem interested and interesting, so we’ll see how those go! Unfortunately none of them is in NYC, but hey I gotta at least keep an open mind, right?
Anyway, the gym is going well – started following my online fitness program more rigorously (still with occasional skip days, but have been going at least 4-5x/week), and am definitely seeing results in both muscle gain and toning! I also started paying more attention to portion sizes and intake of calorie, protein and water to make sure that I am building lean muscle without getting fat. My next role is a leading man, and I think I’m going to have to be shirtless (or at least almost shirtless)!
Speaking of which, just two more weeks here, then on to the next gig, which is my biggest contract to date (LORT-A, the top regional level), and a principal role at that! Yay!
Budget memo: $-793 (Although I have my subletter’s rent and some gig money still coming in, so really it’s in the black!)
